The Kid’s Corral incorporates the research-based discipline approaches from the Love and Logic programs. Below is an excellent article from one of their founders, Dr. Charles Fay.
ARE YOU TRYING TOO HARD TO CHANGE?
Are you trying too hard to change? When we
try too hard, our brains become stressed. When our brains are stressed, we go
into survival mode rather than growth mode. When we’re stuck in survival mode,
we fall back into old patterns. When we fall back into old patterns, we get
upset with ourselves. When we get upset with ourselves, our brains drive us
deeper into survival mode. All of this unfolds as a vicious cycle of
frustration and discouragement.
Is it okay to give yourself a break? Try an experiment for a week or two. See what happens when you step back and do the following.
Trust that your brain is learning even when you aren’t conscious of it.
For decades people have told me, “What helped me most was to listen to the same Love and Logic audio repeatedly without trying to learn any of it. After about six repetitions, I found myself implementing the concepts without trying.”
Learn in little chunks.
Give yourself permission to focus on one skill or concept at a time.
Get relaxed and imagine.
Mentally rehearsing and visualizing success are powerful strategies for many people. At least once a day, breathe deeply, get relaxed, and imagine that you are using the skill or concept you’ve chosen to work on.
Focus on what you want to do, not what you don’t want to do.
Instead of repeatedly thinking something like, “I’m not going to lose my temper today,” experiment with, “Today I’m going to delay the consequence when I feel anger coming on.”
Develop a mental anchor around the change you want to make.
Mental anchors are short sayings to memorize and fall back on when we find ourselves tempted to backslide. Love and Logic materials are full of them. Examples include:
|•||Anger and frustration feed misbehavior.|
|•||Hope and pray for mistakes when the price tag is small.|
|•||Kids will come to need the same number of reminders they are given.|
|•||The more words I use when things are going wrong, the less effective I become.|
Remember, step back, relax, and visualize strategies for positive outcomes.
Fay, Charles (2020, February 5) Are You Trying Too Hard To Change?(Post). Retrieved from: https://www.mynewsletterbuilder.com/tools/forward.php?username=loveandlogic&newsletter_id=1414337942&send_id=